Don’t think it’s creepy to write your own obituary. I’ve written mine. It took a lot of work, but it will spare family having to try to remember pertinent stuff. One of my sisters died without having written an obituary and we all had a devil of a time trying to reconstruct her life.
Interesting comments from you and your friends about writing obituaries. I'm a volunteer at the Genealogical Forum of Oregon (SE 11th & Division, Ford Building). Michelle Roberts, former O reporter, spoke in April at our free monthly GenTalk about writing obits, including your own. It's a nice way to get your say, and to help your family as Bill said. I also read the obits and there was a closing sentence in one today that gave me a smile. "Sorry to say Dad, you finally made it into the obit section you so faithfully checked." (for Bruce Andrew Roth) Thank you for writing, Fran.
Once again, you enchant with descriptions of the mundane in ways that enlighten them with halos. Your ride through town on your way back from the appointment gave me a tour of Portland. That town lays upon so many hills and environs that change the character of each place. From gritty ports with those gargantuan whatevertheyares. Huge matalic monsters to lovely tree-lined streets with cottages nestled up from the road to somber city streets where people huddle from the drizzle. That's my emory of Portland from our last visit long ago.
And then the obits: I love obits. They were so much the same in Utah where everybody lives the same Mormon life. In Nevada, there are Basques and Paiute/Shosone/Washos, California transplants, proud "native" Nevadans whose families go back generations in one spot, ranchers and shephards. My goodness. What a great way to learn a bout a culture. While I was working at the Deseret News, I spent a week or two on the obit desk. It just happened to coinside with my mother's death. I w as a tad miffed when my sister took it upon herself to write Mom's obit. When Dad's death was eminent, she allowed me to write his. Isn't it weird how family dynamics make some things so complicated? As for writing one's own obit, I decided to do that too. My goodness, it made me feel like I'd actually accomplished something. Telling my own story that no one really knows. Recently, I found the obit of a woman with whom I worked who had written her own obit too. It might just become a trend, especially since families have become so estranged. Give it a try, Fran. It's not really that morbid.
Yeah, maybe I will take a stab (morbid metaphor!) at writing mine. My Mom had adventures I never dreamed of, taking a cross-country trip with a couple of friends, I think before the second world war. And I never got her to talk more about it. I regret that.
I am glad you like the bus adventures narrative. I had another great adventure this week that I hope to write about. Thanks for reading!
I posted an item asking about obit memories in a Substack note, but it beats me (violent metaphor!) how readers access those. A notes button turns up in various places, none of them intuitive. Comments work better.
That was true in cases where was covering stories involving fatalities. Not so much obits. Dan Hortsch, another Oregonian colleague, noted that the paper changed the “cause of death” policy some years later because of the refusal of a growing number of families refusing to share that information.
I don’t remember the policy change, but it sounds logical. I do remember having this idea that we could write stories about people when they died. I was discouraged from doing that, but later, Amy Martinez Stark put together life stories, and they were very successful and well written.
Great idea. Life stories sometimes make the best stories.
Makes me think of the time I was sent with a photog to get a pix of a 100-yr-old celebrating his birthday and then come back and write a caption . When we got there, the “birthday boy” pulled me into his bedroom, closed the door, and told me his entire life story. I got back, wrote it up. Later the news editor came storming to my desk, waving a set of galleys in his hand. He said, “Dammit. We sent you to write a caption and instead you turned in 10 inches…and I can’t find where to cut it.” With that he roared with laughter and went back to his desk.
Another great set of reflections and observations. Thank you. Also, enjoyed discovering our mothers shared the name: Pearl. From what I presume you saw of her at RSM, you know my mother was anything but reserved--that description fits me best. That said, I'm feeling a bit sad because today is the first Mother's Day for me since she died in early October. Thankfully, I have so many wonderful memories! Speaking of memories (and writing obits), one more: The one task I disliked the most from my days at The Oregonian was calling families to learn the cause of death if the funeral home didn't know it. It always felt so intrusive. That said, once when I called the deceased's home to get that detail, I identified myself and why I was calling, after which the person who took my call put down the phone and shouted to someone else in the room, "what did Mom die of?" Thanks again and Happy Mother's Day to you!
Oh, Bruce, you reminded me that my mother died around memorial day weekend, and I couldn’t get an obituary in the paper before her memorial because there was nobody to write it. I had left the paper by then.
This is a good reminded not to assume readers will get all my references to my fair city.
Portland is worth visiting. Great climate, warm people, interesting architecture. Also buses, an aerial tram, street cars and light rail. Wonderful libraries and the biggest bookstore in the world—Powell’s.
Don’t think it’s creepy to write your own obituary. I’ve written mine. It took a lot of work, but it will spare family having to try to remember pertinent stuff. One of my sisters died without having written an obituary and we all had a devil of a time trying to reconstruct her life.
I love the observation and sense of discovery in your writing.
Interesting comments from you and your friends about writing obituaries. I'm a volunteer at the Genealogical Forum of Oregon (SE 11th & Division, Ford Building). Michelle Roberts, former O reporter, spoke in April at our free monthly GenTalk about writing obits, including your own. It's a nice way to get your say, and to help your family as Bill said. I also read the obits and there was a closing sentence in one today that gave me a smile. "Sorry to say Dad, you finally made it into the obit section you so faithfully checked." (for Bruce Andrew Roth) Thank you for writing, Fran.
Once again, you enchant with descriptions of the mundane in ways that enlighten them with halos. Your ride through town on your way back from the appointment gave me a tour of Portland. That town lays upon so many hills and environs that change the character of each place. From gritty ports with those gargantuan whatevertheyares. Huge matalic monsters to lovely tree-lined streets with cottages nestled up from the road to somber city streets where people huddle from the drizzle. That's my emory of Portland from our last visit long ago.
And then the obits: I love obits. They were so much the same in Utah where everybody lives the same Mormon life. In Nevada, there are Basques and Paiute/Shosone/Washos, California transplants, proud "native" Nevadans whose families go back generations in one spot, ranchers and shephards. My goodness. What a great way to learn a bout a culture. While I was working at the Deseret News, I spent a week or two on the obit desk. It just happened to coinside with my mother's death. I w as a tad miffed when my sister took it upon herself to write Mom's obit. When Dad's death was eminent, she allowed me to write his. Isn't it weird how family dynamics make some things so complicated? As for writing one's own obit, I decided to do that too. My goodness, it made me feel like I'd actually accomplished something. Telling my own story that no one really knows. Recently, I found the obit of a woman with whom I worked who had written her own obit too. It might just become a trend, especially since families have become so estranged. Give it a try, Fran. It's not really that morbid.
Yeah, maybe I will take a stab (morbid metaphor!) at writing mine. My Mom had adventures I never dreamed of, taking a cross-country trip with a couple of friends, I think before the second world war. And I never got her to talk more about it. I regret that.
I am glad you like the bus adventures narrative. I had another great adventure this week that I hope to write about. Thanks for reading!
Hi Fran! That Elmore Leonard obit is priceless, I wish Mr. Writerley would visit me!
Are you writing, Julie? Ain’t retirement grand!
Here’s from another obit in The Economist, about Michael Collins, the Apollo astronaut:
"He would now pit his little pink body against the hard vacuum of space, with nothing between them but a thin shell of metal or a pressurised suit.”
https://www.economist.com/obituary/2021/05/06/michael-collins-died-on-april-28th
I think I’m going to have to re-subscribe to The Economist. I listen to their podcast, which is always insightful
And laden with erudition and snappy observations.
I’m not writing, but I’m THINKING about writing!
Remember Yoda. He said something like “there is no think. There is only do.” So do already. I can’t wait to read it.
I thoroughly enjoyed our trip around Portland and the surrounding area!!
I’m not concerned with an obituary. My family already know who/what I am and that’s all that matters to me anyway.
Welcome home, Fran!!
Happy Mother’s Day!!
I love reading a well done obit — one that makes me feel as if I’ve gotten to know the person a little.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Fran! I love your newsletter so much.
I remember when you were at the Oregonian. You visited and interviewed me as a Bridge tender/Tapestry weaver.
Oh and we have the same birthday!
Happy Mother's Day Fran.
You are dearly appreciated.
Pam
I send you good wishes every New Year’s Day! And today, Mother’s Day. Are you still tending that bridge?
I posted an item asking about obit memories in a Substack note, but it beats me (violent metaphor!) how readers access those. A notes button turns up in various places, none of them intuitive. Comments work better.
Thank you. Your sincerity and honesty with clarity of your vision and compassion are apparent in your prose.
Wow!!
That was true in cases where was covering stories involving fatalities. Not so much obits. Dan Hortsch, another Oregonian colleague, noted that the paper changed the “cause of death” policy some years later because of the refusal of a growing number of families refusing to share that information.
I don’t remember the policy change, but it sounds logical. I do remember having this idea that we could write stories about people when they died. I was discouraged from doing that, but later, Amy Martinez Stark put together life stories, and they were very successful and well written.
Great idea. Life stories sometimes make the best stories.
Makes me think of the time I was sent with a photog to get a pix of a 100-yr-old celebrating his birthday and then come back and write a caption . When we got there, the “birthday boy” pulled me into his bedroom, closed the door, and told me his entire life story. I got back, wrote it up. Later the news editor came storming to my desk, waving a set of galleys in his hand. He said, “Dammit. We sent you to write a caption and instead you turned in 10 inches…and I can’t find where to cut it.” With that he roared with laughter and went back to his desk.
That’s a great memory!
Another great set of reflections and observations. Thank you. Also, enjoyed discovering our mothers shared the name: Pearl. From what I presume you saw of her at RSM, you know my mother was anything but reserved--that description fits me best. That said, I'm feeling a bit sad because today is the first Mother's Day for me since she died in early October. Thankfully, I have so many wonderful memories! Speaking of memories (and writing obits), one more: The one task I disliked the most from my days at The Oregonian was calling families to learn the cause of death if the funeral home didn't know it. It always felt so intrusive. That said, once when I called the deceased's home to get that detail, I identified myself and why I was calling, after which the person who took my call put down the phone and shouted to someone else in the room, "what did Mom die of?" Thanks again and Happy Mother's Day to you!
Oh, Bruce, you reminded me that my mother died around memorial day weekend, and I couldn’t get an obituary in the paper before her memorial because there was nobody to write it. I had left the paper by then.
You probably also found that people wanted to talk to you about their dead relatives. That was one of the real pluses about the job.
Beautifully written, I appreciate both your style and content. Pen pictures of a city I'm unlikely to ever visit
This is a good reminded not to assume readers will get all my references to my fair city.
Portland is worth visiting. Great climate, warm people, interesting architecture. Also buses, an aerial tram, street cars and light rail. Wonderful libraries and the biggest bookstore in the world—Powell’s.
I had heard of Powell's from Annie